Roman Catholics with knowledge of the Sacrament of Matrimony?
If a spouse withholds marital relations -- with no good reason (i.e. physical issues, illness, impotency) is it considered an offense to the vows? If so, can a Catholic receive an annulment if it's a long-term issue that cannot be resolved? Especially if the withholding/rejection is a form of punishment or intended to hurt the spouse?
Is sex a sacrament?
A sacrament is a visible sign, in symbol and ritual, which Jesus Christ established as a channel of his saving grace and a means of sanctifying the members of His Mystical Body. Mother Church recognizes seven Sacraments: Baptism, Penance, Holy Communion, Confimation, Matrimony, Holy Orders, and Anointing of the Sick. Now, intercourse pertains to only one of the above, namely Matrimony - in which it plays an important role. Consider the following facts:
If someone marries with the intention of withholding sex from his/her partner, this is considered grounds for an annulment.
If a married person takes a vow of celibacy without the consent of his/her spouse, the Church considers this a mortal sin (based on I Corinthians 7:3-5)
Yes, The annulment process can be a long and tedious process. I am assuming you are speaking intimate relations. There are lots of reason an annulment can be sought and granted. The withholding of marital relations when used as a form of punishment is usually an acceptable reason. so is marrying too young and not fully Knowing the responsibilities of marriage. Before you can start the annulment process you will need to file the civil divorce. You can look it up on line. type in "catholic annulments" and it should give you the whole explanation. I am going through the annulment process right now myself because I am divorced and re-married.
First try counseling and reconciliation. It is pretty clear that both of you intended to be married when you exchanged vows and that this situation was not anticipated or planned by either party.
If this has been going on more than a year, you might want to consider separating. If it started at the end of last month, give it a little more effort.
I recommend you approach your partner about what you are being punished for and attempt to resolve the matter. That you are being hurt most likely indicates that everybody is hurting each other. Talk gently. Person to person. Do not lecture. Do not nag.
After dinner, and a little dancing and a few drinks, approach your spouse gently and confidently, not defensively and hesitatingly.
If adultery, addiction, or physical violence is involved separate now. Reconcile slowly, if at all.
Heres an excerpt from a Catholic answers forum thread discussing the issue;
See especially the Encyclical Casti Connubii especially paragraphs 19 and 22-25. Here are some relevant passages of the encyclical:
19. The second blessing of matrimony which We said was mentioned by St. Augustine, is the blessing of conjugal honor which consists in the mutual fidelity of the spouses in fulfilling the marriage contract, so that what belongs to one of the parties by reason of this contract sanctioned by divine law, may not be denied to him or permitted to any third person; nor may there be conceded to one of the parties anything which, being contrary to the rights and laws of God and entirely opposed to matrimonial faith, can never be conceded.
25. By this same love it is necessary that all the other rights and duties of the marriage state be regulated as the words of the Apostle: "Let the husband render the debt to the wife, and the wife also in like manner to the husband," express not only a law of justice but of charity.
This is based on the biblical teaching found in 1 Cor 7:3 Let the husband render the debt to the wife, and the wife also in like manner to the husband
On the flip side, the encyclical also states:
Husbands, love your wives as Christ also loved the Church,"[24] that Church which of a truth He embraced with a boundless love not for the sake of His own advantage, but seeking only the good of His Spouse. The love, then, of which We are speaking is not that based on the passing lust of the moment nor does it consist in pleasing words only, but in the deep attachment of the heart which is expressed in action, since love is proved by deeds. This outward expression of love in the home demands not only mutual help but must go further;
A spouse loving their spouse as Christ loves the Church would not make unreasonable demands but would be self-sacrificing when called for.
Of course a marriage would have to be consummated according to the Law by the giving of oneself to another. This justify that the marriage is not a ligament union under the Church, however couples that have problems with impotence can receive medication for this problem. Also a person can still be married to their spouse even if they have physical issues, illness or impotency and did not consummate the marriage. If a person purposely withholds or rejects their spouse and have not consummated their marriage and the person did try to save their marriage they could get a divorce and receive and annulment on the grounds of abandonment. That is only if the marriage was not consummated according to the Law.
Matthew 5:31-32
"It was also said, 'Whoever divorces his wife must give her a bill of divorce.'
But I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful) causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
The Love of Husband and Wife
2360
Sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman. In marriage the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion. Marriage bonds between baptized persons are sanctified by the sacrament.
2361
"Sexuality, by means of which man and woman give themselves to one another through the acts which are proper and exclusive to spouses, is not something simply biological, but concerns the innermost being of the human person as such. It is realized in a truly human way only if it is an integral part of the love by which a man and woman commit themselves totally to one another until death."
Tobias got out of bed and said to Sarah, "Sister, get up, and let us pray and implore our Lord that he grant us mercy and safety." So she got up, and they began to pray and implore that they might be kept safe. Tobias began by saying, "Blessed are you, O God of our fathers. . . . You made Adam, and for him you made his wife Eve as a helper and support. From the two of them the race of mankind has sprung. You said, ?It is not good that the man should be alone; let us make a helper for him like himself.' I now am taking this kinswoman of mine, not because of lust, but with sincerity. Grant that she and I may find mercy and that we may grow old together." And they both said, "Amen, Amen." Then they went to sleep for the night.
2362
"The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude." Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure:
The Creator himself . . . established that in the [generative] function, spouses should experience pleasure and enjoyment of body and spirit. Therefore, the spouses do nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment. They accept what the Creator has intended for them. At the same time, spouses should know how to keep themselves within the limits of just moderation.
2363
The spouses' union achieves the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life. These two meanings or values of marriage cannot be separated without altering the couple's spiritual life and compromising the goods of marriage and the future of the family.
The conjugal love of man and woman thus stands under the twofold obligation of fidelity and fecundity.
Yes. It isn't easy, of course. There has to be an investigation and it costs money, but refusing to have sex with a spouse as a form of punishment without a good reason like you listed is grounds for annulment.
In the sacrament of marriage, a man and a woman promise to become one flesh, consistent with the biblical teachings in Genesis 2 and affirmed by Jesus in Matthew 19 and Mark 10. It is a sacrament they administer to each other in the presence of the church.
If a marriage is never consummated by sexual intercourse, the vows have not been fulfilled, which is a grounds for annulment, i.e., the recognition that no marriage promise was made.
However, if a marriage partner in a valid, consummated marriage begins to withhold sex as an intentional withdrawal from the intimacy of marriage, that is probably not a grounds for annulment because it has no bearing on the original promise. However, it is a certain indicator of an unhappy relationship and a call to marriage counseling.
you really should see your local priest or bishop, annulments can be very complex in the way they are for seen , also the Vatican is worried about the increase of allowed annulments
Most of the answers are mostly correct, but seem to miss the point a bit.
One spouse with holding relations from the other without agreement is sinful in that it is not giving oneself to ones partner as agreed.
But on annulment - annulment does not look at everything that happened AFTER the wedding. It looks primarily at the wedding. Are there good reasons to believe that the marriage was never valid. If the marriage was valid at the beginning, no amount of sin or selfishness can break it later.
Some of what happened after may be considered, but that is mainly looking at the spouses in determining if the were capable of contracting a valid marriage at the time of the wedding. If they were too immature or addicted or in some other way impaired.
Roman Catholics with knowledge of the Sacrament of Matrimony?
